


Jealous

by Anonymous



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Angst, English narrative, Fluff, I don't want to tag anything else because i dun wanna spoil anything, M/M, Taglish dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24521932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Josh is jealous of the things closer to Justin than he is.
Relationships: Josh Cullen Santos/Justin De Dios
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26
Collections: Anonymous





	Jealous

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to unholy shippers. Happy motmot lab ko kayo lahat. 
> 
> Based on the song "Jealous" by Labrinth

"Have you finished setting up the place?" Josh asked nervously on the phone.

"Relax ka lang pwede? Focus ka muna dyan sa mga bibilhin mo pa. Patapos na kami." Stell replied.

"Oo nga dre. Nagugustuhan naman ni Justin kahit anong gawin mo. Masyado kang mahal nun." He heard Ken chuckling in the background. 

"Yeah, yeah. I just want things to be perfect. I'll see you in a bit, okay? I still have things to buy." Josh answered then ended the call as he arrived at his destination; the flower shop. 

"Josh, you're back! What's the occasion this time? Hmm let me guess… Birthday? Or did you do something wrong?" Shi, the florist greeted him. Justin and him had become regulars here after the wedding, getting flowers for each other at almost every occasion and/or misunderstanding. 

"No," Josh softly giggled, "It's actually our anniversary today."

"Ay ngayon ba yun? Well, you sure are lucky. A new batch of chocolate cosmos just got delivered today. Would you like to buy that set?" 

"Of course. You didn't even have to ask." He smiled, seeing the flowers they personally chose for their wedding. 

"Great! I'll wrap these up for you so you can go your merry way. Say hello to Justin for me!" Shi exclaimed, wrapping the bouquet up prettily. 

Flowers in hand, Josh took his phone out and checked his list. 

"Flowers check, next is food."

\------------------ 

Josh arrived quickly at McDonald's, getting a whiff of the chicken scent upon entering. He was reminded of the countless times they ate here even before they got together. Smiling, he walked up to the counter and ordered food.

'I'll get a McShare bundle, two McSpicy burgers, and a 10-piece box of nuggets to go please" Josh politely said to the cashier. He ordered a lot, yes, but it wasn't only for the both of them. He also included the others, knowing that they would complain if he didn't.

\------------------ 

Josh placed all the things he bought at the backseat of the car when his phone dinged, signalling a text.

'Everything's ready. Ikaw na lang ang wala.' he read Sejun's text. 

'Papunta na. Marami akong dala tulungan niyo ako pagdating ko.' Josh texted back.

He took a deep breath and started driving to the place where he and Justin would celebrate their anniversary. It's been 3 years since they got married, but he still feels like it's the first time. His heart pounded across his chest, and he was nervous as hell. He just hoped that Justin would like everything.

\------------------ 

"Grabe ang bagal makarating! Nag-dalawang isip ka pa ba?" Ken blabbered when he arrived, but nevertheless helped to get some of the stuff Josh brought.

"Naunahan ka pa ni Justin!" Stell joked, "Ayun iniwan muna namin tuloy si Sejun para may kasama siya." 

"Sorry na nga, sobrang traffic kaya these days." Josh talked back, breathing in and out to shake the worries away. 

They walked along the patches of grass, with Josh smiling at the people they came across with. There were families on a picnic, a lot of people were jogging, some biking, but they all looked happy. 

Finally, they stopped in front of the place he had gone to for a lot of times now; the mausoleum where Justin was. Josh once again took a deep breath before entering with a smile. 

"Love, I'm sorry I'm a little late. I made you wait for a long time," Josh cheerfully greeted, placing the flowers on the vase beside Justin's tombstone. "But at least Sejun kept you company. I hope you like the flowers. Look, they're the same type from our wedding. Happy anniversary!" 

The three other people in the room let Josh have his time with his lover, patting his back and going out after arranging the food he brought.

"May gift ako sayo love," Josh continued, sitting in front of Justin's name. He grabbed the guitar he made Ken bring, tweaking it in tune.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to come yesterday, but I was too busy finishing the song I wrote for you. Do you remember the time when I said I wanted to write a song and you said you wanted to be the first one to hear it? Well here it is." Josh explained, a memory flashing in his mind.

_12.30.19_

_"Love I want to write a song." Josh spoke out of the blue, startling Justin who was resting on his arms._

_He looked up at him and smiled softly, "Hmm I think you can do it. Just make sure that I will be the first one to hear it okay?"_

_"Of course! You're my number one fan. How can I not let you hear it first?" Josh giggled, pressing a kiss on Justin's lips._

Josh blinked away the memory, trying to focus on making his husband hear his song. 

"It's titled 'Jealous'. Before I sing it, I'll let you know why it's titled that way. Naalala mo ba dati nung may nakita ka na notebook ko sa bottom drawer ng cabinet natin? I'm glad you didn't read it because that notebook contains a list of the things I got jealous of back when we weren't dating," Josh chuckled, getting a little embarrassed of the things he did back then. 

"Now guess what? I was cleaning our cabinet last month, and I found it and thought I should finally write a song and let you listen to it as a gift. And here it is," Josh started strumming, singing the song he wrote especially for Justin.

**'I'm jealous of the rain,  
that falls upon your skin,  
It's closer than my hands have been,  
Oh I'm jealous of the rain."**

_10.26.14_

_Josh and Justin were once again playing in the park where they first met a year ago. Justin insisted they celebrate their friendsary (if that was even a thing) and dragged an uncomplaining Josh with him. They reminisce on the time they met, and Justin got an idea._

_"We should take pictures again. Come on it will be fun! Plus you're a very good model." Justin smirked._

_Josh had no choice but to agree because, well how the hell does he say no to Justin De Dios? The answer is he can't, so he just went with it._

_They were too busy taking pictures and laughing at funny ones that they didn't even notice how quickly the skies turned dark. It shocked them both when the rain started pouring down, drenching them both. Josh was about to find a shelter they could stay on when the boy in front of him caught his eye and made him stop in his tracks._

_There stood Justin, with his arms out, head tilted upwards, eyes closed. To say that he looked heavenly even in the rain was an understatement for Josh. He saw as the rain dropped on his hair, his forehead, his plump lips that he wanted to kiss so badly, his neck that was a perfect safe place for Josh whenever the younger pulled him in one of those random bear hugs, and those hands that he wanted to hold all the time._

_Before Josh knew it, he was jealous of the rain. He was jealous of the way it touched Justin's skin. Because he can't do those things. That's not a thing that a friend would do. Friends don't hold hands or kiss or cuddle. And in that moment, Josh realized that he didn't want to be Justin's friend anymore. He wanted to be more._

**'I'm jealous of the wind,  
That ripples through your clothes,  
It's closer than your shadow,  
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind"**

_01.23.15_

_Josh woke up to an empty bed, wondering where Justin was. They were having one of those sleepovers in Josh's apartment. He glanced at the wall clock which read 2:18 am and stood up to find him._

_"Jah?" He called, finding him in the balcony, staring at the stars. The wind was blowing hard blowing Justin's hair off his face, his shirt looking like a balloon as the air punched through it. And once again, Josh got jealous._

_He was jealous of the wind, of how it seemed to hug Justin's body freely, something he still had trouble doing despite all the months he's been spending courting the younger. The wind seemed to comb through his hair, calming him as he stared into the night sky. Josh spent minutes looking at him, when Justin finally spoke._

_"Josh? Did I wake you up?" Justin asked him._

_"No, I just felt the empty side of the bed and wondered where you were," Josh admitted, placing himself beside him, "What are you doing here?"_

_"Can't sleep." He replied simply._

_"Hmm… Let me keep you company then." Josh suggested and when Justin didn't talk anymore, he just stood there beside him, watching the stars together._

The chorus was approaching, one of the hardest parts of the song for Josh because when he wrote this, he couldn't seem to finish as he always ended up sobbing and hugging Justin's picture, missing his beloved soulmate. With a shaky breath, he started singing.

**'C-cause I wish you…  
The best of…  
All this world could give…"**

Josh sang his heart out, knowing well that he was tearing up as all the memories and the pain of losing Justin resurfaced once again. 

_06.02.22 7:00am_

_"Love, wake up! Wake up!" Josh shook his husband excitedly, waking him from his deep slumber._

_"Josh naman eh," Justin whined, "Pagod pa ako mamaya mo na ako gisingin."_

_"You can sleep in the car. We have to leave in an hour so get up and get ready," a giggling Josh answered, pressing a kiss on Justin's lips. "I already got everything ready. We're going to Batangas for our anniversary tomorrow!"_

_"What? Really?!" Justin exclaimed, now fully awake._

_"Yes now get ready! I only want the best for you of course and you always wanted to go to that resort in Batangas so I figured, well why not?" Josh grinned._

_After an hour, everything was loaded up and they were in the backseat of the car headed to Batangas. Josh had let Justin sleep on his lap as he looked too tired but little did he know, he would regret doing so._

**'A-and I told you…  
When you l-left me…  
There's nothing.. To forgive…'**

_06.02.22 3:00pm_

_The doctor said that Justin's body was too weak because he was the one most affected by the crash since he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He had advised them to prepare for the worst and Josh watched as one by one, his family, Justin's family, and their friends walked in and out of the hospital room, probably to say goodbye, but he couldn't. He couldn't accept that in a few hours or days, he would be losing his other half._

_"J-Josh?" Stell called him, voice shaky as Sejun held him in his arms._

_"He's waiting for you…" Sejun continued._

_Josh then gathered up his courage, and entered the room, immediately breaking down as he saw Justin attached to all of those machines to keep him alive._

_"H-hey l-love…" Justin called out, smiling softly._

_Josh took a seat next to him, holding his hand tightly, refusing to look at him. This was all his fault. If he just made sure that Justin had the damn seatbelt on then he wouldn't be seeing this situation now._

_As if reading his mind, Justin lightly squeezed his hand._

_"It's not your fault, Josh. No one wanted this to happen. I don't want you blaming yourself after… After I'm gone---"_

_"No! No you're not going to leave me Jah. Please… I-I can't… Y-you can't l-leave me…" Josh begged, sobbing. He couldn't fathom the thought of waking up the next day without Justin._

_"I-I'm sorry I c-couldn't keep my p-promise… T-the doctor… H-he already explained everything to me. A-at kahit hindi niya sabihin… Nararamdaman ko… I-I'm n-not going to l-last very long… I'm… Sorry… I-I'm sorry I h-have to leave so soon, my love." Justin kept apologizing as tears streamed down his face._

_One thing about Josh is that he can't stand seeing Justin cry. No matter what the situation is. He held Justin's face, wiping the tears from his eyes._

_"There's n-nothing to be s-sorry about… P-please just p-promise me that y-you'll find me in our next life. A-and there… We'll be together for a very long time…" Josh could barely get the words out, sobbing loudly. He could practically hear his heart tearing to pieces._

_"I-I promise… I love you my Josh Cullen Santos. Always have, always will," Justin kissed his husband's forehead softly. He felt himself getting weaker each second that passed. "L-love napapagod na ako… C-can I rest n-now?"_

_Josh knew what he meant, and god knows how much he wanted to say no. He didn't want to face the fact that he was losing his soulmate and there was nothing he could do about it. But he couldn't prolong Justin's pain. He could see how much he wanted to close his eyes but he was fighting until Josh was ready to let him go, not that Josh would ever be fully ready, but he needed to at least get an acceptance._

_With his broken heart, Josh nodded once, twice, thrice until he couldn't count anymore._

_"R-rest well my soulmate. We'll s-see each other again. But for now… I love you so much Justin De Dios-Santos." Josh managed to say, kissing Justin's lips one last time, watching as he closed his eyes, his heartbeat gradually slowing down, and Josh wished he took his heart with him._

**'But I always thought you'd come back,  
Tell me all you found was...  
Heartbreak and misery'**

_06.10.22_

_It had been three days after Justin's burial and Josh still hasn't left the mausoleum. It was a good thing that the place was spacious and even had air conditioning, as Josh refused to leave since the day Justin was brought there. Stell and the others had come by everyday bringing food and other necessities for Josh, convincing him to go home, but he wouldn't budge._

_"Ayokong iwan si Justin." He kept on repeating every single time they asked._

_Truth was… He didn't want to go home and face the reality that he had to live in their house all alone because Justin wasn't coming back. He couldn't even call it a home anymore because home is where the heart is, and his heart is buried 6 ft. underground with his husband. Every night, he wished for a miracle. He wished and prayed to all the angels to bring Justin back to him. He just wanted his whole life back. He kept sleeping all day because that's the only way he wouldn't feel the pain._

_"Jah… Masaya ka na ba dyan? Balik ka naman na sa akin oh, miss na miss na kita eh." Josh talked to Justin's gravestone for the nth time today. Ken and the others watched as he had yet another breakdown, sobbing hard. All they could do was hug him till he calmed down, not knowing how to help him move on. As Josh cried, he felt arms encircling around him, and it wasn't Ken's nor Stell's or Sejun's. It was a familiar hug that made him cry harder than earlier. He felt a soft breeze across his cheek and forehead and heard the wind whisper to him._

_'You'll be fine, my love.' It said. That was all it took for Josh to finally realize that Justin was okay. He was alright and that means Josh should be too._

**'It's h-hard for m-me to say…  
** I'm jealous o-of the way…  
You're happy without… me' 

Josh's voice cracked as he sang the last few lines of his song… He was crying so hard that he stopped playing the guitar and was hugging it against his chest. He felt someone gently tugging the guitar from his hold, followed by pairs of arms encircling him in a tight hug and he knew, his friends were once again saving him from his misery. 

"Jah dalawin mo nga 'to umiiyak nanaman oh" Ken joked, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. 

Josh chuckled, wiping his tears before hitting Ken's head.

"Baliw. Wag mo na guluhin si Jah. Masaya na yan dun!" 

"Alam mo naman pala dre! Maging masaya ka na rin para sa kanya. Alam mo namang gusto niya na masaya ka diba?" Ken talked back. 

Josh nodded, knowing fully well that Ken was right. "Oo naman. I just really miss him these days. But I'm starting to get used to it. I'm trying. Para kay Justin." 

"Tama yan Josh. Magiging ayos ka rin. Andito lang kami para samahan ka parati." Sejun consoled him, patting his back lightly. 

Josh took a deep breath, and smiled. He may be jealous of a lot of things closer to Justin than he is, but he knows that someday, he will be okay. And someday, they will meet again. But until then, he needs to continue living for them both.


End file.
